Due to my own personal troubles, I haven't been happy in a long time. I've been rejected as long as I can remember. Although not until recently, did I begin to feel rejected by my friends. Or so-called friends. No, before I was only rejected by my ever-present father. I grew up not knowing how to think or even feel about him. He was a real man and took care of his children...but only in a
financial sense. I never felt loved by him, or accepted....or even wanted. The one activity that kept me going in HS was my drill team. Dancing has always taken me to a different place. It's like I'm being transported to a world where I don't have to feel anything and the rejection goes away. I thought I could escape those feelings when I moved away and came to college, but here they are again. I joined a dance group my second semester of college and I love it! I have learned so much from them all. Months ago, things got weird in my personal life and it carried over into my dance and school life. Now I don't feel welcome at all in my dance "family." And I start to think that there's more than a good chance that it's my fault. The moment I feel as if I'm unwanted I change my outlook on who or what it is that makes me feel this way. So I stopped going to classes and participating because I somehow knew they wouldn't miss me. Now I feel like they talk about me behind my back. So I told a few people that I was leaving because "I don't think I can grow here." That statement was beyond bullshit. The truth is that I don't think I fit in, and it's easier to give up than try again.
So this purpose of this blog is to find people like me, who are so sad and bogged down with personal crap that no one may ever know about and give them (and me) a reason to smile.
